goodbye resolutions, hello mediocrity.

I kinda hated 2013.  There, I said it.  I’ve almost Tweeted it and captioned Instagrams with it several times, but what kind of ungrateful dick dislikes a whole year?  The big problem here is obviously my attitude, accompanied by outrageous expectations I created that weren’t met because they didn’t stand a chance.  2013 is only as shitty as I make it out to be and I’ve done a great job of convincing myself it was poop wrapped in a tortilla.  I know that’s not the case and apologize for the disgusting negativity.  In my defense, this notion was fed when my last day of the year symbolically ended with me laying in a hospital bed getting a shot in the buttocks.  I made a big fuss and maybe cried a little as I lay on my side, white ass exposed.  Nurses even checked on me afterwards because they heard my dramatic reaction down the hall.  (I’m not proud of myself.  But you stop your judging.  Pull your pants down in front of a stranger and let them poke you in the ass with a sharp object, then talk to me.)  The point is that in this moment, I decided to not be bitter and just leave the year behind me.  This post is my middle finger.  But more so, it’s the excited anticipation of a new year met with better attitudes and maintained expectations.  With this said, I’m swearing off resolutions.  I know that the New Year is le season to make goals and change yourself for the better, but I say “no, thanks”.  This isn’t at all to disrespect you resolution makers.  I’ve made my share and I support the shit out of you.  This also isn’t to communicate that I have no improving to do.  That’s furthest from true.  All I’m saying is this year I’m going to set myself up to succeed by aligning easily accomplishable goals with what I know about thyself.  It’s probably 50% cop out, 50% strategy but I’m fine with it.  For example:  I can’t say I’m going to eat healthier, because sometimes I’ll choose hummus and other times I’m going to eat a whole block of cheese and drink beer(s).  I can’t say I’m going to work out more because the truth is I really don’t enjoy public displays of exercise.  Insert any other typical resolution here and I won’t do it well.  I’ve learned this.  So if I were to resolve at all, this year’s sole resolution is to just try.  I’m going to try to make healthy choices about my lifestyle.  I’m going to try so hard to take care of myself and the people around me.  I’m going to try to pursue the things that matter to me.  I’m going to try to not suck while also being prepared to fuck up every now and then.  I’ll hopefully learn some lessons and grow along the way.  As much grief as I’ve given 2013, it did hold value.  It taught me that life happens to you whether you want it to or not.  Opportunities disappear and wishes made might not come true.  People leave the world forever while others begin existing.  You can worry about it all you want and let it consume your mind for as much time as you’d like to waste, but it’s not going to change the outcome.  It’s not going to manipulate a force we have no control over.  So just feel it, you guys.  Let it happen to you.  Because it’s not going to wait for your permission.  And so, greetings to you, 2014.  You’re going to be beautifully mediocre and full of surprises and that’s really ok.  I promise to be grateful at the end of you instead of a dick.

I hope for all of you so much good this year and always.

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