In honor of the season of “thanks”, I will be typical. This is a Thanksgiving edition blog post. I am, of course, grateful for the things one should be grateful for: family, friends, health,
wealth, the ability to pay some of my bills, happiness. (Also, red wine & whiskey.) However, there are many much smaller things I would like to “ode” to. This list is not exhaustive and I will probably read this later and wish I had been funnier or included something in addition. I’m fine with it. Here goes.
I am grateful for…
1. The Things I Have Glamorized
I’m so totally a girl. I’ve spent most of my life watching romantic comedies and Disney movies, reading Nicholas Sparks + Jane Austen novels, and wishing I was a TV character in Gilmore Girls, Dawson’s Creek or Saved By The Bell. I have come to terms with how messed up this has made me because of the stupid amounts of idealism I spew on the daily. I have absorbed from this lifestyle that there are always happy endings, making out in the rain is magical, you can eat like Rory and Lorelai without being fat, and that having a grapefruit for breakfast is lady-like and healthy. I’m here to tell you that none of these are true. I tried this grapefruit thing on Sunday. After squirting juice into my hair and collecting sticky residue around my mouth without actually consuming anything of substance, I’ll never do that again. (By the way, it’s healthy because you don’t actually eat anything.) But you know…I’m grateful for the idea. I will always cling to the hope of these things and be happier than you. Misguided. But happy.
2. Premature Christmas Stuff
Y’all, I’m in the midst of a joyous conundrum. I haven’t even been able to celebrate Thanksgiving and stuff my face before I’m blindsided by tinsel and Christmas glee. Instead of being pissed about this and not joining in on the anticipation of Christmas magic, I will smile at the window displays and the section at Hobby Lobby dedicated to decorating Jesus’ birth. I will also listen to that radio station that plays every version of “Let It Snow” sung by every musician that ever did anything musical. And I will like it.
3. The Masculine Wedding Band
I’m single. To the extreme. I am also 27 and the percentage of my friends that are married is around 97.890. I mean, I wouldn’t consider myself “on the prowl” or anything, but sure, I hope to get wifey-ed up some day. I am grateful that there are ways to designate the married from unmarried. Otherwise I wouldn’t know who to brush my hair for.
4. Red Lipstick
I never thought I’d be that lady that has to “put my lips on” — even when I was wearing too much eyeliner during those high school years that I’ll never get back. And alas, I am she: lipstick whore. These days, I’ll put it on to do the dishes and almost tweet about it. (Sowhatwhocares.) After some time, I’ve even adjusted to the awkward moment I’m informed it’s on my teeth or chin with only a hint of embarrassment. It’s become somewhat of a trademark, I think. In fact, if you see me without it, you might want to ask “What’s wrong?” Actually, don’t. That’s rude. But all of this to say: lipstick makes me feel badass. I like to feel badass. So thanks, red lipstick.
5. Forrest Gump
There was a time in my life that when you asked me what my favorite movie was, I referred to this film. I think I’ve given up on having a “favorite movie”, but there is so much about Forrest Gump I’m grateful for. First, the ingenious history lesson. Second, the sexual innuendos I never understood when I saw this for the first time but soon after…tooootally did. Last, the gems on life. I will absolutely assume a good amount about you by the shoes you’re wearing. And life really is a box of chocolates. Think about it. Then, thank Forrest, Forrest Gump.
6. Photo Editing iPhone Apps
My life looks mediocre and at the same time way cooler than it is via social media. For this, I have to thank Instagram and Afterglow. (I’m sorry you are no longer important, VSCO Cam.) Pictures are a delight. And I don’t know shit about actual photography. I am grateful for hand-held opportunities to enhance my face and surroundings. Here’s to you, photo-editing/sharing apps.
7. Colder Weather
I am not sure if any of you have noticed, but I have a fair complexion. Clinique makeup calls it “Linen”. Sometimes “Alabaster”. I know tanning beds are SO 2003 and I can more so embrace my pasty German genetic makeup, but this does not mean that I am unaware of how much better the world is when my skin is covered. I am grateful for tights/pants season and the opportunity to put away my legs. So are you. Trust me.
8. Taylor Swift’s Timely Album Release Pattern
This is self explanatory. How did she KNOW that I needed to shout the words to every one of her new songs in my car and pretend I was saying it to a boy? If you think I care that this makes me a 13 year old, you’re wrong. And even if I did, I’d just blame it on my experience as a 6th grade teacher and chalk it up to professional research. So back off.
9. The 90s
I’ve reached that point in my adulthood where everything that matters can be traced back to the 90s. This includes, but is not limited to: coffee shops, The Gin Blossoms, fashion, the Clinton Administration, girls that unmarried dudes my age want to date, and that one time that MTV had anything to do with music. I feel like I have nothing to talk about with anyone that didn’t experience this decade. I am ever grateful for and will continually long for a time where Dr. Martins, scrunchies, and denim overalls were cool. I wasn’t. But everything else was.
I could keep going because 10 is a round, list-like number. But it’s also too predictable. I’ll leave it at nine so that I can come back and post a part 2 something about “The 10th Thing I’m Grateful For”. Maybe around Easter or something. In temporary conclusion: tis le season for consideration and thankfulness. Pay attention to what makes you sigh. And also, don’t be dumb & count your calories. I will seriously karate chop your armpits. Happy holiday season, my friends 🙂